Star Wars

Here goes nothing. I hope you're happy, Eric.

George Lucas' Star Wars (science fiction)

On a scale of 1 to OMG, I'd honestly put the original Star Wars trilogy at about a 'Meh'. Or a 6/10, if you want to get technical. And that six is generous.

Yeah, yeah, I know all of the arguments that are going to be raised, because I've heard them before. The main one I've come to know and counter: I know that it was visually epic for its time, but that's the thing. It isn't it's time anymore. It's not even close. I grew up watching Star Trek: The Next Generation, and to be quite honest, I thought it had better special effects as a television series than the original trilogy did as a however-many-million-dollar series.

Long story short, anyone who loves Star Wars because the special effects were amazing for their time is making excuses for themselves. Is there nothing else truly outstanding enough to warrant another point, or is that honestly the extent of the list? Because the way I see it, that's the only redeeming quality, and it isn't even redeeming. How can you people argue for a movie that uses Powerpoint effects to change scenes?!

Plot? Yawn. No, seriously. I thought parts were incredibly slow, sometimes even unnecessary. George Lucas may have had a more realistic view than Gene Roddenberry of how humans and space will interact, but Firefly did it better. That's right. I said it. Just because Star Wars did it first doesn't mean they did it best.

Actors? Shut up. You're arguing for a franchise that eventually created Jar-Jar Binks. And while I didn't even hate the poor guy, every self-respecting Star Wars fan sure does. Poor Jar-Jar. Anyway, the originals. The best characters either have no dialogue, or they're a dude in a furry suit. Or they're C-3PO. James Earl Jones has a great voice, no doubt, but they didn't put him in the Vader suit, now did they? Mark Hamill is very relateable if you're annoying and kind of a douche, Carrie Fisher isn't that hot -- not even in the bikini, and Indy? Seriously? I know he was Han before Indy, but I think what we're seeing is a classic case of an actor playing themselves again and again and again and...

Well, Eric, did you finish the entire thing?

Don't watch it. Grab ST:TNG and a beer and drink every time you can feel awkward sexual tension. You'll enjoy it more. Trust me.